Sunday, August 06, 2006


Not just sunburnt, but scorched mentally and spiritually I supposed...

Still experiencing the body heat after the exercise on Thurs/Fri; the splitting headache has long gone, but the heat lingers...

Faith in comaraderie shaken - especially when you needed it most.

When pleas come to nought, I wonder the significance of my existence, of what I had done, of the effort of my "contributions". Did I do enough? Had i considered enough for those under me, as well as those who had rely on what I had done?

It's hard not to feel dejected at the end of the day - though I feel like 灰心more aptly described what I had felt for the past week...

Yet, at the end of the day, the familiar people made the nights the past weekend worthwhile the effort to report back for duty even though I'm technically exempted from this time. So much so that I now marvel at the energy I had left in me to run 3 rounds of track with JJ and played abit of soccer on the court with the usual Specs at around midnight. And how much I appreciated the concern that the usual gang (HS, Steve, Roland, et al) showered upon me, as I crawled back to bunk every night in my uniform, when everyone had already showered and was enjoying the comfort of their beds.

Thanks guys, even though I guess none of you will come upon this.


Perhaps I shouldn't be so bitter.

After all, others had done far lot more than me, and yet emerged strong. A ran around to secure sginatures for clearance on behalf of everyone, and accomplished the arrows that laid themselves onto him, and he didn't complain. JJ was running around everyday, settling stores and all - he had his complains, but still managed to get everything done sweetly; CL didnt sleep for the whole of the exercise despite the pressures and exertions, but still managed to pull through everything. The tankies were probably the worst-off; had to take care of the vehicles plus the cleaning of the weapons (they were still at it at 9PM when everyone else was already up in their own bunks) with the strength of 9 men, including Specs (but not including the PC - Andrew would have probably stuck to the platoon thru everything, thick and thin, but he's not here this time).

What does that make of me?

Perhaps I'm not made of sterner stuff. Or I just succumb to pressure too easily?

Whatever doesn't break me, shall make me stronger.

Hope that's what will happen.

Stronger. Than yesterday.


Ok. Enough of blabbering and unloading all those bullsh*t of mine.

It's feeling less of a 闷锅 inside me as compared to two days ago, especially after the 14-hour sleep yesterday (yes, I didn't make it to the fireworks show).

Meeting up with a few familiar faces made it even less so - though I think I had been some sort of a wet blanket by appearing bored and all. My apologies to the three beautiful ladies and the handsome gentleman.

Curse the headache.


Signing off............ In search of panadol + some more sleep............

1 comment:

  1. I hope you are feeling better now and you will have a good break this week before a new term begins. I am certainly glad to know that I will see familiar faces like you around in school again! Take care! :)