Monday, February 11, 2008

"Forced" to forget - Helpless

*Spoilers Alert!*

It didn't move me to tears, as I had expected.

As a good film would though, it set minds thinking.

The synopsis highlights Alzheimer's and the caregiver's pain and frustration in losing a loved one to the disease.

The movie narrates not just the helplessness of that loss in detail, but that deja vu-ness of one's past catching up with oneself.

Alzheimer's brings with it far more wretched consequences than just the loss of normal bodily functionings - shared memories no longer are shared; intimacy replaced by aloofness or worse, hostility; even the best-est of companions become complete strangers.

To be witnessing your spouse, your lifelong companion, romancing with another man in front of your own eyes; seeking solace in his embrace instead of yours; caring and comforting him in your very presence; fearing that touch of yours which bears well-meaning loved intentions; shunning and avoiding your attempts to communicate with the same repeated and seemingly choreographed lines; to finally witnessing her self-imposed deterioration towards advanced stages of Alzheimer's, and then making the most painful decision with the hope of seeing her recover...

Yet, in the midst of all these battling emotions, there is more to it - the guilt that the past might have come back to haunt, the unfaithfulness exercised during times that seemed to be long forgotten but has come back to exact vengence, the Unfaithful Subject now the Object, and vice versa. And then, realising that it looked impossible to refrain from taking in what comes your way, submitting to the very soft spot of "unfaithfulness" that has managed to be kept under the rug so far, hoping that it gives either / both parties a second chance at happiness........

The movie ending offers a ticket to resolution and redemption. Yet who knows how many more times the cycle is going to repeat itself?

Living happily ever after can be an illusion - so does having lived happily ever before. The past tense can hardly be impeccable.

There is a town in north Ontario,
With dream comfort memory to spare,
And in my mind I still need a place to go,
All my changes were there.

Blue, blue windows behind the stars,
Yellow moon on the rise,
Big birds flying across the sky,
Throwing shadows on our eyes.
Leave us

Helpless, helpless, helpless
Baby can you hear me now?
The chains are locked and tied across the door,
Baby, sing with me somehow...

Signing off.................. Deeply Pensive............

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