While there are numerous reflections and resolutions made, it's also a time to look forward to the next 360+ days.
And what shall be the main issue that me (Male, 24 going 25), a soon-to-be working human, be looking forward to?
Pragmatically, it will have to be my first real job
Truth be told, it has never been so uncertain; in fact the past 2 years, it has been so.
Remember childhood ambitions? Children wanna be a doctor, or a policeman, or a soldier, or a (insert the prototypical job). I, for one, felt that I shouldn't be fighting with everyone for a piece of the pie. Furthermore, how easy is it to tell apart 'Matah' A from 'Matah' B? So I decided, it's not too bad to be a firefighter. Yah, all those sliding down poles and thick suits. THAT will be something different.
Can't really remember what happened those early teen years. Anything was fine. Or rather, I don't know what I want or do not want. Two related but entirely different things. This phase went on to JC; explained why I was doing JC1 in the one and only triple science class.
Went on to NS; the illusion of a career in the Armed Forces was tempting to me to a certain extent; guaranteed higher pay then the majority of the NS-serving males, sponsored tertiary studies and no need to look for job after NS liability. Applied for LSA during BMT, and passed the 2 interviews. When it was time to sign on the dotted line, I backed out though, amid thoughts of regret years down the road, of signing my life away to illusions. From then on, what I don't want began to form slowly inside me. As NS progressed, I concurred that it was probably a right decision (both for me and the agencies involved) not to be in the Armed Forces. I'm not the type to exert command and influence over people, nor the one to make swift, incisive decisions, and I ain't suitable for those leadership positions in the Tri-service.
At the same time, once I was done with my As, I decided that, since I was going to start afresh anyway in Uni, I should choose a course that I would be on par with, in terms of knowledge of the subject matter. At the same time, I decided to break free - ok maybe not so strong - pursue my interests - what I want - instead of being dictated by trends and the Classifed Ads. I chose to do a BA, and fixed my mind on English Language, despite calls of "wah its tough" "GP cannot manage liao, cant think of Uni" "Sure or not? Come out can only become teacher".
With that decision on my course of study, it actually dawned on me that it ain't that bad to be an educator. (Teacher is the wrong word to use I think; heck, even educator ain't suitable. how about multi-tasker?) Good pay, long holidays, short teaching hours, possible familiar wokring environment... furthermore, the teachers in my life had left generally nice impressions; indebted to several for advising me AGAINST dropping A Maths, back when i was failing the subject in sec 3 then, the only one in my class to do so. cut the long story short, I applied to MOE, but only after my time with NS was almost up...
Which turned out to be fatally wrong. Should have signed with MOE immediately after As. Went for interview (on my first day of Chick Pox outbreak); did terribly wrong. Was asked why I didn't wanna sign for Armed Forces, and i couldn't answer. After the rejection, I decided to hold the teaching aspiration, for it seems that the criteria for acceptance into the institution is blurred. Some correspondences (not all; some are genuine ppl who wanna make a real difference to the teaching industry) admitted that they weren't really prepared to stay beyond the bond period, which was quite acceptable given the attractive package. Nonetheless, the rejection left a bit of sour taste in me because I believed back then that I would truly want to teach, to educate.
So University started, and now after 3 1/2 semesters, I'm still clueless of what I should do. Besides What I want and What I do not want, there are other things to consider, like fee and laptop loans, and the burden of being reliant on parents at the ripe old age of 24, when its time to pay back and be an asset instead of a burden to a family, especially as the eldest in the family.
Choice are, admittedly limited; still restricted to the civil service sector.
(1) MOE again.
(2) This secret agency.
(3) Other civil service agency. Police, Prison, etc.
(4) Continue to MA - awaiting for resutls of application, but chances aren't very good i must admit.
So, these thoughts will ping-pong in my head back and forth for the subsequent months.
Stay tuned for updates and results (if you are patient enough).
Signing off............Oh, and a Happy, Healthy 2006 ahead..........